Ordinary Breakdown - Bleu

OH yeah, I've been slacking on this whole thing. 

This past month has been crazy. I say that every month right? Right. I can honestly say that I've lost myself just a little bit this past few weeks. What's scariest about that is the last week or so has been full of moments when I desperately needed to know myself and be fully aware of who and what I am. Yet the last three weeks I haven't been too sure.
In the middle of my breakdown I wound up calling an old friend (who already has a spot in the thank yous of a book that hasn't been published - We'll talk about the book later) and lamenting to her while we caught up on our lives.  We wound up reminding and reassuring the other that we are, in fact, kind of awesome. The kind of awesome that leaves people who are just good (but not awesome) comfortable with being our friends, but leaves them longing to be just a little bit more like us. 
Thank God I talked to her. She really is an angel. See, I was recalling every compliment I'd ever received about anything in the history of the ever ever and doubting its sincerity and the merit of the person who said it. Let me tell you, that is the lowest of the low feelings. That's the moment when you realize every last person has some terrible flaw and you wind up dismissing their compliments, then you realize that dismissing their compliments means that you are a stuck up self-righteous prick. Well, that's not fair. It means that you're acting like a stuck up self-righteous prick. Then you really start to doubt yourself. 
It's a vicious cycle.

It's just an ordinary cycle every creative person goes through. But it can break people. And then people lose their passions and they settle for the job that the don't like, and don't even pass their former reasons for living off as a hobby.
What's great about realizing that this is where I was?  Well, I'm past it for one. Two, it broke a writer's block of almost two months. (WOO!) and three, it came came complete with a "what-ever happened to that book you were supposed to be getting published?" Right. Right. Publishing... let's focus on a few articles in a few magazine's first. Before we do that how about we focus on not thinking we're a complete failure.
And not thinking you're a complete failure is a lot easier to do when your friends are also your fans. :)

So the song for this post is Ordinary Breakdown by Bleu... you don't know that song?  You can't find it on his website (http://www.bleutopia.com/)?  You've never heard of it? Oh. Sucks to be you. You need to go tweet to get him on the Ellen show... simple tweet something to the effect of  "Yo @theellenshow I want @bleutopia to #GetOnEllen Watch him at www.youtube.com/bleuteub " and then if Bleu thinks you're as awesome as me and a few other people he'll send you a copy of the song for free. Why? Because he's AWESOME that's why. Just go do it. You'll thank me later when your friends are asking you how you got so awesome. "Oh, I just took Eli's advice and started being awesome." 

I'm off to shower and then enjoy more Japan-animae.

5 days... and the count down winds

Ah, 5 days before my birthday...  I'm excited. I'm more excited for seeing friends in March, but I'm excited that the new year is still going my way and is still winding up on the plus side of the world. It's a good feeling.

Laaazy

I've done a lot of packing and unpacking and organizing and reorganizing and arranging and rearranging in the past month. I've discovered at this point that I finally have no idea where my gym clothes have disappeared to (again). I can't say that I really care all that much at this point. Although come Wednesday if I haven't found them I'm likely to work out in my pjs just to get the time in at the gym.

It's amazing to me how something as simple as 30 minutes on an eliptical can completely change my perspective on the week and my general disposition to life. Particularly, when I didn't even think I liked going to the gym as recently as three months ago. But I get to lose myself in the songs on my ipod, shut my eyes and forget the world that surrounds me. When I find myself running in time to the music, ah it's the physical connection to the sound.

I really need to find out what box those gym clothes are in...

What the...?!

So I don't really care too much for football (surprise! right?) however, every freaking year I end up watching the Super bowl for the half time show and commercials and Dad has the tenants up to watch the game to "start the year off with some camaraderie to thank them for last year's rent".

Every year the biggest advertiser is Anheiser-Busch (A-B) which was once the oldest and largest American brewer and was based in St. Louis... until they sold out to Belgian-Brazilian owned InBev in 2008 to become A-B InBev. (That caused an immediate and steadily increasing drop in sales. Why they assumed St. Louis and Missourians wouldn't notice the buyout of St. Louis' largest employer I don't know. Why they assumed that we would still drink their Belgian beer when we don't drink the rest of their crap, I don't know. We have other awesome breweries in St. Louis we can and did turn to.) The trademark beer for A-B was Budweiser. It's a basic beer. Bud Light was the basic redneck counter part.

The icon for Budweiser made an appearance every Superbowl, and that icon was the Clydesdale. Every year (without break since 2001 and prior to that for at least as long as I've been alive) we could count on watching a Clydesdale -a large and majestic horse- pull a sleigh through snow to deliver it's riders to the brewery, and watch the leading Clydesdale kick a winning field goal. The horse as a long time icon for A-B - ever since a Clydesdale pulled the delivery sleigh to the white house for the president's first beer after prohibition ended- became an icon for St. Louis.

Early this week the advertisements for the Superbowl were announced. As usual the largest advertiser with 5 minutes of air time is A-B InBev. As expected, Bud Light commercials are going to be funny. As planned, InBev's smaller breweries are getting more air time.
Surprisingly, there are no Clydesdale's in this year's line up. Not one. Not even a guest spot in the back. Not even stumbling on set in the background. Not even a toy Clydesdale in a child's hand.

Now, I'm all for change. I'm a big fan of changing ad campaigns when they don't work. But Clydesdales are tradition and a good one. That's a tradition that was voted as a high contender for favorite ad by readers of the USA Today. That's a tradition that not only St. Louisians, Missourians and Midwesterners love, it's loved nation wide. It's a tradition that brings to mind Thomas Kincaid and Norman Rockwell Christmases while simultaneously creating an excitement of a race track and the soothing joy of a cold beer on a summer's day.

It's a dumb move on their part. If I was still drinking, if I was still drinking their European-South American stale goat urine I would never touch it again. I would rather starve than drink a Budweiser now.

Privacy

Never underestimate the value of privacy.

Misread...

Productivity sucks when you have a headache. I find my self knowing full well that there's a million of things that I should be doing, and not doing them because the left side of my head feels like someone is trying to pop it like a pimple.

Other things: I need to buy glasses. I don't want to. But I need new glasses that aren't from ten years ago so when my contacts give up the ghost I've got something.
I still need that car.
I still need an apartment and potential roommate.
I still need a lot.

But this year looks promising. There's no where left to go but up!

Song for the day, for mostly one verse
Misread - Kings of Convenience

How come no one ever told me, the loneliest people all through out history, were the ones who always spoke the truth, the ones who made a difference by withstanding indifference. Should I take that risk or just smile?

Hammers and tetanus shots...

The new year starts and my mom and I have started the mission of finally remodeling the basement. We ripped up the sub floor of the small room (soon to be my bed room -again) I'm actually looking forward to doing this. It's amazing the invigorating feeling you can get get from tearing into a floor and destroying the parts of your home that just aren't up to snuff... well, so long as you know that they'll get put back together again.
Somewhere along the way, I managed to drag a nail into my knee and while it's only skin deep, I'm a little worried. I'm fully aware of the amount of mildew in that room as well as the amount of spider webs.  So I'm hoping for some high quality anti-biotic ointment to kick in and save me from dying in my sleep tonight, because death would be a really crappy way to start off a year that I'm so excited for.
Song for the day.. .mostly for the chorus...
Hanson - Next Train...
Well, I finally found tomorrow cause I just now found today.
And I'm left with all this sorrow lingering from yesterday.

So I'm leaving this behind on the next train, To a place where I don't know
Well, I may not arrive on the best train, But I'm tired of trying to let go

Well, I'd love for you to be there on the day I say goodbye
But I've lost too much to ghosts here to even waste a sigh

So I'm leaving this behind on the next train, To a place where I don't know
Well, I'm leaving this behind and the next pain, Cause I'm tired of trying to let go

Well you're the drugs in my vein, You lift me up and leave me pain, I'm broken beaten barely sane
So leave it on the next train
I'd gladly stay to wade it through and find out what it meant to you, but it's clear to me this time so I'm leaving this behind.

Happy....

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Snow Blanket!

I have long held tight to my theory that snow is nature's way of curling up in a blanket, that snow is God laying down a blanket and enouraging the world to slow down and savor the quiet. Maybe I can hold to this theory because my home doesn't get six feet of snow, maybe I hold on to this because at most a foot of snow and ice each winter, Welcome to the lower midwest... the weather kind of sucks. I think I've held to this theory the most because every animal pauses and hunkers down with friends and family or their favorite thing when it snows and waits for things to settle. Birds stop flying, squirrels settle in with their favorite nuts, dogs grab their favorite bones and cozy up by the fire or close to their master's feet. Everything stops. Everything cozy ups. Even wool blankets get softer.
All day long it has snowed soft clumps of cold cozy. I've had one of the best views of it all day long. It's a slow snow so it hasn't built up on streets but we've got a few inches built up on bushes and lawns. 
After the last two weeks, I've needed a good reason to curl up with a good book, some good jazz and my favorite pet and blanket.

I haven't listed a song in a while, so there's the song that's been stuck in my head as of late...
Georgia on My Mind - Ray Charles  (I kid you not, Ray Charles is a genius. If you somehow don't have this, go buy it on iTunes NOW. I'm serious.)

Georgia, Georgia,The whole day through,
Just an old sweet song,Keeps Georgia on my mind

Yeah, Georgia, Georgia,
A song of you, Comes as sweet and clear,
As moonlight through the pines
Other arms reach out to me, Other eyes smile tenderly,
Still in peaceful dreams I see, the road leads back to you
I said Georgia, Ooh Georgia, no peace I find
Just an old sweet song keeps Georgia on my mind

Other arms reach out to me, Other eyes smile tenderly
Still in peaceful dreams I see, The road leads back to you
Georgia, Georgia, No peace, no peace I find, Just this old, sweet song
Keeps Georgia on my mind
I said just an old sweet song,
Keeps Georgia on my mind

You're busy wasting life...

My iPod is on another Hanson kick... we're up to ten Hanson songs in a row. I would take this as a sign that I have too much Hanson for a healthy shuffle balance, but it's not true. I'll go for days where I wouldn't hear a Hanson song unless I qued it up. Maybe my shuffle just sucks... either way the play list sounds awesome: Believe, Tearing It Down, Leave the Light On, Strong Enough to Break, I've Been Down, Blue Sky, Go, Got a Hold on Me, I Am, Use Me Up, My Own Sweet Time... I'm scared to find out what's next...